You Might Be A...

This post is inspired by some reminders lately of the difference between newlyweds and those of us who have been married for a few years.

You might be a Newlywed if...

1. You count your anniversaries in weeks or months that you have been married. "Today's our 3 month anniversary!" 
2. You can't be more than a foot away from your spouse when in the same room, especially at parties.
3. You have to be touching at ALL times. 
4. Your evenings are spent cuddling.
5. Being intimate happens every other night... or every night. 
6. When your single friends ask how married life is you get excited and exclaim, "It's great!! I can't wait for you to get married too!" 
7. Being away from each other for one evening is torture and you watch the clock until you are back together again. 
8. You always look your best for your new husband. You may even wear mascara to bed so he won't ever see your bare eyelashes (true story of a friend of mine). 
9. "Playing house" is just so much fun!  Doing dishes, your spouse's laundry, making dinner, etc... 
10. You can't imagine loving your spouse more than you do at that very moment. 

You might be out of the newlywed phase if...

1. You either forget the date of your anniversary (hubby) or you have to think back and count how many years you've been married. 
2. At social gatherings you get excited when the wives form a girls' table because you get some time away from your husband to chat with the ladies.  
3. You haven't touched your spouse in days without even realizing it. 
4. Your evenings are spent either doing your own thing or watching tv together but on separate couches.  
5. Being intimate happens every other week..... or month....
6. When your single friends ask how married life is you answer, "Hardest thing I've ever done.  Enjoy your single life while you can!"  (ok, this is kind of a joke.  I hated it when people said things like this so I have vowed not to talk about marriage like this)
7. Being away from each other for one evening not only doesn't phase you but allows you to indulge in a guilty pleasure (reading, watching girl shows) without feeling like you're ignoring your spouse. 
8. Make-up is optional.  So is getting dressed for the day.  Meh, he's seen you look frumpy and you know he loves you anyway.
9. Playing house is always more fun when you aren't the one stuck doing the dishes, laundry or the cooking. 
10. You've gone through awesome times together and hard trials together and you love him more than you ever thought you could... so much more than you did the day you married him. 

Wordy Wednesday: A Letter

Dear Sister Jones,

I came to your house this morning with my girls to work on family history because up to this point I have done absolutely nothing in my calling as family history consultant and I figured it was time to start doing something. 

 I almost didn't come.  It was a rough morning.  I'd been up in the night at every hour with a crying baby who couldn't get comfortable.  I got an email saying the girls' Halloween costumes wouldn't be coming on time and I was completing a new to-do list in my head for what to buy. I couldn't find a clean pair of socks for the girls to save my life.  Not a one.  How can we have no clean socks in the house?  So they didn't wear socks.  No time for make-up... ok maybe just a little.  I looked (and felt) like a zombie.  I was running late and the girls were being naughty.  They are always naughty.  I was in tears and ready to call you to cancel.  But I didn't.

I showed up and expected you to see my frazzled look and say, "Oh, they're only young for a short time so just enjoy them." But you didn't.  You turned to your husband and said, "Paul, take the girls down to the play room and play with them" and then to me, "He just loves playing with kids." It set me right at ease. 

When Sissy refused to go downstairs and knocked the cushions off the window seat you stopped me from getting after her and said, "It's ok.  I don't care if things in my house get moved around." And you meant it.  You have 8 children and who knows how many grandchildren.  You get it. Maybe you even had children as naughty as mine.   

It was in that moment, exhausted as I was, that I was so glad I had come to your house.  It was the best break I had all day.  I was near tears but for a different reason than before.  

When the family history issue was resolved, it was time to head home.  But oh, how I just wanted to sit in your quiet house a few moments longer while "grandpa" entertained my girls.  When they did come upstairs he told me how the girls wanted to climb on the pipes and I was ready to hear him say how crazy they are and how I have my hands full but instead he said, "One of them wanted help from the other to climb.  I told her, 'oh no.  If you are going to climb the pipes then you have to do it yourself.'" He has 8 children.  He gets it.  And most likely he did have one as naughty as mine.  

So thank you sister Jones (and Brother Jones) for giving this tired, frazzled mom just a little time away from the madness.  It was exactly what I needed today.  

Sincerely,

Worn out Mama

ps.  Can we come back tomorrow? 

How to Write a Talk

Do you want to know a little secret of mine?  

I LOVE speaking in church.  Love it.

So much that I start to hope they'll call me to give a talk when a long time has passed since my last talk.  My dream job is to be a motivational speaker.  Oh, how I would just love that job!

But I know I am an anomaly. Most people would rather do most anything on this planet than speak in church.  So I thought I'd give you an outline that has helped me when I write a talk. 

How to Write a Talk

AGD- This stands for an attention getting device.  

Start out your talk with a story that relates to your topic. I almost always use a personal story.  Steer clear of dumb jokes or churchy urban legend stories.  This should only be 1-2 minutes. Look back at any conference talk.  They always start with an AGD.  *Think President Uchtdorf and how he begins with a pilot/flying story. 

Introduce 3 subtopics that you will cover.  These are all related to your main topic. Just give a one line title for each sub topic. 

Talk about subtopic 1.

Talk about subtopic 2.

Talk about subtopic 3. 

Conclusion.  Refer back to your beginning story, highlight your 3 points again and end your talk.  This should only be 1-2 minutes. When you bring up the story from the beginning it helps the listener to think back through your talk to the beginning and ties your talk together.  

And that's it.  You can easily go write a talk now without shaking in your boots, right?  Ok, maybe not.  So let me give you an example.  

Example Topic: Family History

I just gave this talk so I'll use the points from my talk.

AGD- (Story) When I turned 12 years old, my grandma immediately included me in temple trips with my cousins (story goes on for another 30 seconds...).

Introduce 3 subtopics- Today I am going to talk to you about why we do family history work, what resources are available to us and how we can get involved. 

Talk about subtopic 1- Why we do family history work (I shared a quote from true to the faith as well as a quote from Elder Scott, along with my own thoughts on why we do family history.)

Talk about sub-topic 2- Use the available resources (I shared some of the resources such as websites, our stake's family history center and family history consultants in the ward.  I shared a story about my experience with a family history consultant.) 

Talk about sub-topic 3- How can we get involved in the work? (I shared 5 ways that we can get involved in the work along with a story to help support one of the points and another quote from Elder Scott to support another point.) 

Conclusion. I am so grateful that my grandma instilled in me a great love for doing temple work for my ancestors (see how I referenced the first story?) She taught me why we do family history work and why it is so important.  Now that I am gaining an interest in finding names for myself I am grateful for all the resources available which will allow me to get even more involved in the work (see how I referred back to all 3 points?). I bore my testimony and ended the talk.

Seem easier now?  I promise if you organize your talk it will make things so much easier!  When I start preparing for my talk I prayerfully come up with the 3 subtopics and then I start taking notes of ideas, stories, scriptures or quotes (I do a bit of research in the scriptures and on LDS.org) that I want to talk about in each subtopic.  Then I use that outline to write my talk. 

Lastly: Some DO NOTS for giving a talk: 

1.) Do NOT start by saying how nervous you are.  In most talks I would have absolutely no idea someone was nervous unless they told us first.  If they mention it then I start to get nervous for them and don't listen as well. 

2.) Do NOT start by saying you got called last night to give your talk or how you totally forgot about this talk until you saw your name on the program when you walked in.  This will discount anything you will say and make your listeners much less interested in listening to you.  

3.) Do NOT apologize for anything at the beginning of your talk... like being sick or not knowing much on the topic or for not preparing due to forgetting about your talk until midnight the night before, etc... 

4.) Do NOT say "Well, if nobody else gets anything out of this talk then that's ok because I learned a lot while preparing it." No. Just no.  

Be confident and go get 'em tiger! 

And that's why: Pumpkin Bread

Once a year, in the fall, for a few short weeks only, Costco stocks the most amazing product.  

Pumpkin Spice Bread mix.  

If you've never had it then you are really missing out but you are welcome to come over to my house for a taste.... because I have a year's supply of the stuff hoarded away in my basement.  

When we discovered it a couple years ago we bought some boxes to tie us over until the next year because we love the stuff so much.  In early September of this year we used our last mix but luckily it was just in time for Costco to start stocking it.  

Hubby and I found ourselves at Costco and we excitedly located the mixes.  We're both eyeing the pallet up and down as I ask, "So how many should we get?"  In my head I am wondering if I could get away with 3 boxes (they come with 4 mixes each) even though I want many more than that.  Hubby thinks for a minute and asks, "Eight?" Yep! Sounds good to me!

And that's why I love hubby!

The Truth About Microfiber Couches

The Back Story:
We had come to that exciting point in our marriage.  We had saved up some money and we were finally ready for it.  A new couch!  Time to ditch the old, uncomfortable Ikea couch from hubby’s old bachelor pad and time to get a real couch. 

The old couch in hubby's old apt./our first apt. 

We stood in the furniture store looking over every couch.  I was biased though. Only a microfiber couch for me.  “They’re perfect with kids… so easy to clean up,” I confidently told my husband.  The salesman agreed with me.  How could he not?  This was an easy sell.  Mind you, we didn’t have children but I had been a nanny for triplets and their microfiber couches were so nice and clean.  What I didn’t factor in is that those triplets were babies and unable to make much of a mess yet.

The salesman recommended the stain guard.  Of course! Even better to help with keeping the couches immaculate around our future children. 

Fast forward a couple years when I was pregnant with our twins (my first pregnancy) and I convinced hubby to buy the matching loveseat in microfiber.  I was convinced we had just made the best investment.  Of course, we paid for the stain guard treatment again.

Fast forward 2 more years and I am cursing these microfiber couches to no end!  My then 2 year old daughter Sassy even said one day, “I hate these couches!”  “Why,” I asked. “Because they so dirty!”  Hmmm… apparently  she has overheard us one too many times.

And no, it’s not that I’m a perfectionist and just think they are worse than they actually are.  We moved last year and I found out that one of the guys who helped us move went home and told his wife, “After seeing their couches we will never own microfiber couches.” How embarrassing.

A few months ago I got a picture text from my dad who was shopping for new couches.  The picture was of a pristine light colored microfiber couch.  “DO NOT BUY MICROFIBER!”was my warning text back to him.  He went with leather instead and later told me the salesman seemed confused when I steered him away from the microfiber.  Apparently the guy doesn’t own one…. Or he doesn’t have small children.

Here’s why I will NEVER buy microfiber again:

    1.)  The truth about stain guard.  The salespeople really talk up the stain guard, which is an additional cost. “If something does spill, simply wipe it off and no stain will be left behind!” But they give you a 1-800 number in case your couch does get a stain and reassure you that “they will come clean it for free!”  Um, no.  They don’t.  I called that number when my couch was looking less than glamorous.  They asked what specifically had stained the couch.  This was my answer, “Well, there’s a few things on it from the last couple months.  Water, baby spit up, and maybe some food here or there.”  They told me I am supposed to call right after something spills on the couch if I am unable to get it out.  They said the first thing they do is send you a little cleaning kit for your couch, not someone to come clean it.  The kit comes with a small spray bottle and a sponge. Then after you use the cleaning kit they may send someone out to clean it if it won’t come out.  I was so irritated that I never called back to see if someone would come clean it. 

   2.)  Water marks are the bane of my existence.  Once our couches were so disgusting looking that I was embarrassed to have anyone come over, I banned all food from the living room, including sippy cups.  I have cleaned them over and over and over again.  But I only have 2 eyes that can’t always be watching the twinnies’ every move.  They sneak their sippy cups into the room and their absolute favorite activity to do is to dump them all over the couches (I have tired a billion types of sippy cups and they still seem to get liquid out of them).  Other favorite activities include: getting baby wipes and “cleaning” the couches, licking the couches, accidentally peeing on the couches (luckily not any more) and getting paper towels or toilet paper wet in the sink and wringing them out on the couches. Every single one of these activities leaves a disgusting looking water mark on the couch.  What gives, girls? Maybe they have it out for the couches too. 

    3.)  Cleaning the couches.  Trust me, this consumes way too much time.  I mean, they are couches.  Why do they demand so much of my time?  We ditched the cleaning kit a looooong time ago and came up with our own cleaning routine, with a little help with from others on Pinterest.  First, we tried the alcohol in a spray bottle method and a scrub brush.  This works but so does vinegar and water and we usually just use that now. But, rubbing alcohol does work great for removing pen marks. Acetone works well for removing nail polish stains. When cleaning, I spray the entire cushion because this is important: if you just do a spot with your cleaning solution of choice it will leave a big water mark.  I have to spray the entire cushion, whether it is all dirty or not.  I scrub all the stains with the scrub brush.  I then get a wet washcloth and wipe the whole cushion pretty well.  Our new cleaning method of choice is to get out the carpet cleaner and use the hand piece to clean the couches.  We usually use a vinegar and water solution.  The only downside to this is that the water gets sprayed all over the cushion but it won’t suck the water back up for some reason.  I guess it soaks in too much? We then rub the couch with a dry towel to pick up some of the water.  This method is the quickest when doing the entire couch.  

   4.)  How long the cleaning lasts.  Let’s be honest.  Not long.  The other day I had just cleaned the couches and had them looking amazing and the next day my girls decided to lick the couches and that was all it took (I don’t get why they do it either but I just roll with it).  The couches are the most high maintenance thing in my house (more high maintenance than me... but I guess that isn't saying much).  And after how long it takes to clean them I just want to rip my hair out or cry when days minutes later they look awful again.  Seriously, don't blink because you'll definitely miss the clean couches. 

The finished product after washing it with the carpet cleaner.

Moral of the story is: 

If you have small children, or wild children like I do, then run away from the microfiber section of the furniture store.  Don’t let the salespeople convince you that the stain guard will make all of your dreams come true.  It won’t.  And even if you don't have children... just say no to microfiber! 

Don't say I didn't warn you.

And that's why: Fashion Victim

It's no secret that I'm not really in fashion.  I tend to be a few years behind the latest fashion trend.  With one exception.  When the movie You've Got Mail came out, Meg Ryan's pixie cut became popular and I decided to chop my locks.  It's one time I should have just let others follow the trend.  I did not pull that look off and I'm reminded of it every time I see pictures of myself from back then.  And that is why I will never jump on the leggings boat. I'm saving myself the embarrassment in 10 years when I look back at pictures from today.  

This morning I came down wearing pants with cuffs that were popular a few years ago instead of the skinny cuff that is "in" right now. Like I said, I'm always behind the times in fashion.  My husband said, "I like those pants on you.  They look good."  

And that's why I love hubby.

Mama's Confessions #1

Most moms would know better, but the other day I took my cranky girls to Walmart after a doctor's appointment to pick up a few things.  When I say a few things, I really mean it.  I think I had 4 things on my list. What is it about being in a store (especially Walmart) that escalates behaviors to the max?  Sassy was pushing the stroller with her feet and running into people.  When she wasn't doing that she was pushing on the breaks anytime I stopped.  Add to that a whiny Sissy and a wailing little Missy and I was about ready to lose it! 

So I did what was absolutely necessary in that moment.  I bought a chocolate bar. Just for me. When we got home I put a movie on for the girls and I sat behind them on the couch and fed missy while savoring square after square of my chocolate bar.  I made sure they didn't see me so I wouldn't have to share.  I'm greedy like that once in a blue moon.  And you know what?  It made my frazzled nerves smooth out and suddenly everything was alright in the world.  Ahhhh... Chocolate.  Sometimes it's the little things...